It's 2016 and I am ready for a new chapter to begin. I have been living on lows for over a year now and am ready for some great highs. Ok, that is not completely true! I did meet my dream guy last year and we share a great home in a beautiful city. But I have experienced one of the greatest lows anyone will experience...I lost my mom. After 9 months of battling Cancer, her body finally gave in 2 weeks before Christmas. Now if anyone has experienced the last days of a loved ones life, they will understand when I say it is one of the most horrific life changing experience. Yes, my mom is not suffering and yes, my mom is in a better place and yes, I can get on with my life as it was before she got sick. But wait...no, no I can't! My life has changed! My perspective of death has changed, my family dynamics has changed, my view on cancer, chemotherapy and traditional cures has changed, my day-to-day has changed and most of all, the person I would call when stuck in traffic, feeling sick or in doubt, needing someone to just listen and tell me everything is ok, has changed. The person who is to walk me down the isle, who is to give me advice when I have my first child, and who is to be called grandma, has changed. My life has changed very much and too all who says life carries on, you are right but I am carrying on a little emptier then I once did.
Grieving is a wound that no one sees. It is like an injury that only you can feel and when everyone forgets about it, it is still there consuming your thoughts. There is no recovery date or timeline of how it is supposed to go. There is no prescription that can take it away or potions that will make it better. What I have learned is that it just takes time. Your heart needs to heal, your body needs to rebalance it’s emotions and you need time to find new ways of how to go about your life. This is something you CANNOT rush.
The hardest thing of this journey is knowing the outcome and not knowing how to deal with it all. I was blessed with a great friend who took this last year in strides with me. She lost her mom 2 years ago and she was able to understand my emotions and thoughts, answer some questions and make me feel like I wasn't alone. Sadly she didn't have the same. I can't express my gratitude enough to this amazing human.
What I have come to recognize over the past year is many people are grieving. It may be from a failed marriage or ending of a relationship, may be from losing a loved one to cancer or a tragic accident or could even be from losing a job they worked their ass off for. The common thread through all of these is that everyday can be challenging. To look a head at your future and possibilities is daunting and to know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. What I struggled with everyday was questing whether I was going crazy or not. My siblings were trekking on with their life and I was flooded with all types of emotions I wasn't sure if they would every subside.
What did I do you ask? I read a great book that grounded me in being mindful, I saw a lovely women who did some energy healing and is helping to align my Chakra's, my boyfriend Craig created a very tranquil space for me to relax in and I journal daily. One thing I know about myself is that I feel lighter and less stressed after I have a great sweat session so I am either doing yoga or a good gym workout with my girlfriends 5 days a week. I also am very mindful of what I put in my body to support it while under stress. I like clean food, lots of fruit and veggies and lean meat. I use my crockpot to cook some hardy comfort meals that are ready when I get home from work so I am not slaving over a stove when I am exhausted and full of emotions. Lastly, I have found my new obsession with essentials oils that have helped relax me, calm me from anxiety, and uplift my spirits when I have a challenging day. Keep in mind that what is working for me may not for you but take these as suggestions and try some or all of them.
For those of you that are reading this and feeling like there is never going to be a good day or that life will never get easier, it will. I still cry for my mom very often and think about her everyday but the dark cloud is not hanging over me anymore. I am optimistic for my future and a big part of that is helping you feel your best during all life challenges.
You are not alone.